redfox and drunkard.

20090413
22:26

this site is quite dormant, so when i post i dun tink my frenz will noe oso... lol. ya, recently got some feelings to thorw up. though there's already some one for me to throw up to... but there're things i juz wanna tell the whole world tho everyone may juz turn deaf ears. it's ok!!! let me begin... ...

i always felt that i was cruel. the day she begged and i juz turned a deaf ear, though my eyes sweated profusely. i haf to make the decision not based on my heart but my brains. surfing through th emotional wave, i managed to pick up my not-so-fantastic braincells and complete the jigsaw puzzle. and finally i locked on to my answer... no matter how much i was moved. i was inhuman i felt.

was it plain selfishness that i was so desperate for a carefree life? or was it just plain annoyance of a relationship tt doesn't turn out to be what i really wanted? what would haf happened if i did not lockdown on my decision, and u-turned after going straight? i nv tried thinking of tings tt nv happened... coz there're too many possibilities. all i noe is: my happiness matters more. if i cant stay happy, how can i ensure the happiness of my other half?

i quite like my carefree life, until loneliness visited me. i had joyful moments, but there's no one to share. i had stressful days, there's no one to talk to. yes there're frenz. but frenz can onli satisfy ur emotional needs to a certain level. somewhere beyond tt point, you need a special some one to walk with you... and how do you define him/her?

what's special? some one who loves you, coz it's fortunate to be loved? people who flirt ard are always being loved, maybe for juz the nite. old men at their wife's funeral were loved too, but why till death?

i tried stating in words... describing the ger whom is worthy of my love and whom i'm willing to hold on so dearly. i always thot tt was juz a fantasy tt will nv come true. when it really did, i'd nv wanna let go. hw many chances do you come across a stranger wif many common friends, with similar interests, similar pastimes, similar perspectives. imagine life with such a person... i'd love to make frenz with strangers like this.

but she happened to be my baby gwen. loves.

-redfox & drunkard lived again-