2 yrs juz passed like tt. 2 yrs finally passed. which is which. when u think of the sufferings, the second sentence applies. when u see those happy moments n times wasted, the first sentence will be true. 2 yrs, many many things happened. friendship, seeing some darkside of man, learning to work at the right time.
remembered on the first morning i woke up in bmt. i had a question: am i going to wake up at fucking 5.30am every morning for the rest of my 2 yrs? seriously tt makes me wonder if i should be a trainee for 9 mths or something less than tt. but actually tt doesn't matter much when it becomes a routine. i juz look forward to sleep early tt's all... hahaha. then came the 2nd barrier. 9 mths of 5.5 day week plus burnt weekends or something much less than tt? 9 mths of harsh training or something tt allows me to slack? after so much thought, yet i made it for the 9 mths of shit. been there done that.
friendship, seeing some darkside of man, learning to work at the right time. walking very very very fast with heavy load till i had abrasion in my arsehole. experienced starvation, killed 2 quails, carried heavy load through hilly terrain, sitting on a mountain with only underwear under the rain cuddling a guy, slept in the rain hugging the same guy. sounds gay? it's survival.
there r oso times i feel some emotions i nv felt before. like going overseas leaving a loved one for 2 weeks. seeing the loved one at the airport after the 2 weeks of shit. thinking of home & mom when starved and exhausted. a sudden burst of motivation to go on juz by the thought of her. e sense of accomplishment when a team emerges out of the vegetation when hope is hardly to be seen. the feeling of disappointing someone who holds high hopes on you. i juz cant recall everything at this very moment, think there's much more.
time to face reality. e matrix had been too comfortable. no more hopes on the 10th of every mth. i wun be paid to slack ard anymore. so......
bring it on, suckers!
redfox and drunkard realeased from the matrix as of today.
-redfox & drunkard lived again-
20060926
19:53
bk in to camp... without my hp. not intentionally, but it was detained at sft's bag scan counter. so sad, for a moment, before i decided to take it as a retreat. my intention of spending 1 hr plus to go back to tekong is to let my superiors sign my clearance form. the first person i saw on the island was my oc. he's leaving the camp while i juz stepped in. he's gg on leave! tmd~ back on thurs. not tt bad. i was sian-ed. so went back to my bunk n sleep. drowning myself in sorrow. haha, not so tragedic lah. juz chill on my not-so-dusty-but-still-got-dust bed. windows shut. curtains down. lights off. fan on. half naked. snuggling up into my dirty pillow and blanket bolsters. sleep...
wake up for dinner and then it's tv time in coy office with zhe rui. watched singapore idol too!!! nv thot i'd watch tt. alright, as i've predicted, hady mirza was crowned. then watched front!. i juz wanna listen to debbie wong. she's juz cute lor. looks so flirty yet sound so innocent. like wat zhe rui says, a sex siren... wateva it means. then watched chinese news. duh... followed by our back to back vcd session. first was snatch. a black comedy. evil yet funny. a story on groups of mafia trying to get theire hands on a fucking big diamond. all those mafia sounded so cool. n the way they film it was... um... dunno how to explain, like pop art. brad pitt was cool man, the one punch knockout bare knuckle champion. this was followed by city of god. oso mafia. brazilian mafia. more like brazilian gu wak zai. more violent than snatch. guns and drugs. depicting serious violence in a casual yet touching manner. i like the dominant orange colours in the motion pictures. always wanted to go somewhere like tt to snap some shots, like... nepal, india, thailand, cambodia? ya... vietnam oso gd... (i noe wiebber's reading)
lied on bed for quite sometime after the 2 shows. cant fall into dreamland. think think think think think~ why r my brains so active when my side of the world's in the dark side? plug on my earphones to my soundwave inlets located on the left and right of my head, and suddenly i'm down wif retro fever. got tired, unplugged, and fell into dreamland...
woke up to look for pple to sign my clearance form. got 4 signatures... gotta complete it on thurs... or else no pink card le.
booked out n left zhe rui behind... sorry. retrieved my hp n i'm back from my retreat. linked up wif aze to go for the interview at st james power station. reach there at ard 3 plus. interviewing for a server appointment is like one for an executive... took quite long. and we were shorlisted to go for 2nd interview. expected to wear black formal. a bit too much for a server position huh? but i'm desperate for tt job... so... do or die, dun ask why. but aze has a choice ba... think he can get better offer elsewhere.
went down to clarke quay with the objective of seeking a job, but we ended up taking photographs. shall not explain with words when there r pictures available.
old building...
so vibrant...
back of forbidden city...
light well...
ministry of sound...
me posing...
colourful facade of multistorey carpark opp mos...
clarke quay in chinese, 'ke la ma tou'...
clarke quay's essence.
before i forget... video of the day!!! it's juz fucking funny... taiwan variety show hosted by jacky wu. muz watch woh.
my mind really works at night. at a time like this, 1203hrs, i juz cant key my thots down. and at times like 12 hrs later, 0003hrs, my mind will b hyperactive. tt healped a lot in keeping me awake all nite long. i slept at ard 3 last nite. i wasn't reading, there were no good shows on tv, listened to still fantasy twice. like the conclusion me n ham came to, jay's song r always nice. i dun even want to listen before buying the album. well, back to wat's stirring my brain juice... i cant recall much... but i can try...
money: wat i earned is wat i spent. no more emergency clubbing funds. gotta stretch out my hands for pocket money when my sch term starts. nv planned to study, if not for their constant nagging. i juz cant take it. if studying makes them feel better then so be it. i'll still work. but i juz wanna work in the nite scene... u see things u dun get to see in the day, coz the dark side has taken over.
girls: watched the banquet wif michelle at causeway point. it juz brings back memories. it juz sparked me to miss her, suddenly. there's a ger who wants to be wif me. but i refused to. coz i noe. it's not love. she'll juz be filling up tt gap in my heart. it's unfair to her. gotta wait for tt gap to recover before i can present my heart again. it's juz too ugly now. i cant commit without expecting something in return. not like the past. i can spend 3 to 4 hours waiting without grumpling or even show a sign of dissatisfaction. spent those hours wandering. spent those hours sitting down. spent those hours worrying. dun tink i can b so tolerant now. or maybe no one had shown her worth, yet.
frenz: suddenly i haf no frenz. dam's in scdf. black's in sispec. jj's bz wif work. monk's wif gene. all my other dear frenz aren't within my reach. u noe, u need some ammunition to hit long range targets. ammo depleted, contact broken. i'm so dependent on msn now. it's seems like e onli tool for me to keep in contact wif my frenz. n of coz sms. juz had a sms conversation wif her last nite. all the 3 letter syncronyms. wtf.
how i wish i could blog in the wee hours. my brain juz works differently. izzit a split personality? cant the 2 fish work together at the same time?
-redfox & drunkard lived again-
20060924
13:18
it's a sat n i'm not clubbing. not coz i'm mama's boy k, coz of some reasons tt all of u noe... source of all evil. left home at 5pm for an interview at 1 nite stand comedy pub. was quite surprise when they had a proper 1 to 1 interview even i'm juz applying for a part time position. dun care, waiting for their response today. if cant get the job then i'll go for st. james power station's interview on tues... muahahaha... i wanna work in the night scene!!! music, lights, people, fun!!!
met up wif 10 at city hall. went down to downtown east to meet ham. we're going for ade's birthday chalet. got a pair of earrings for her. hope she like them. hmmm... all the pple there were her frenz fr dbl o. dunno them. not poly frenz. so a bit awkward. but we still laughed together while watching 'shi zi lu kou', muahahaha! i bought my below42 kiwi down but nv had the chance to share it wif anyone. hmmm... left the place at ard 10pm. wanna keep 10 accompany so we took train together. (ham n i can reach home faster if we took bus) but 10 slept through the journey... diaoz~ nvm... at least mi n ham can entertain ourselves wif jay chou's new album and my camera... hahaha.
while walking home, i saw the fat cat (for those who remembers or noes bout it) at my blk. vv photogeic leh. i cant resist the temptation to shoot it down wif my l3. then i shot at my blk number too. reach home, took out my below 42, the idea of drinking it got into me. so after my shower, took the glass bottle to the kitchen, pour some into my drinking mug, then filled the mug wif coke... and viola! the poison for the night! it tasted good... so i juz down the whole mug of vodka kiwi coke... and got high... muahahaha!!! danced to retro... hahaha... crazy... then i tuned to power 98... they haf retro oso... muahahaha... crazy crazy... then fall asleep... zzzzzz~
the fat cat on the block.
-redfox & drunkard lived again-
20060922
23:06
nothing much...
went running and got chased by monkey... went ikea an found lots of stuff to buy... but no money... income stopped... looking for job... want something at pub... not easy looking for job... made passport... cost me fucking 70 bucks... nv make full payment... start training for marathon... studying in 1 week plus... i need my job dudez... i still wanna club... muahahahahaha...
passed my basic theory test.. nothing to be happy about. dun intend to learn driving so early, juz wanna get my class 2b first. took the test wif rizaldo... and he badly wants to drive a car. no programmes planned today, so decided to search for my bag tt i want. a small bag tt can juz contain my wallet, sketch book, jacket or umbrella when there's a need. due to the wet weather, we didn't want to cross over to bugis street, so combed the whole of parco. shortlisted some designs. and while looking out for my sling bag, some hoodies caught my attention too. one fr giordano and one fr topman. both were going at 49 bucks. both were plain and simple. giordano's was baggy. topman's was slim, but not too tight. wat a dilemma. y muz i come across nice hoodies when i'm searching for a bag? hmmm... i chose not to buy on impulse, so went for lunch first. had milkshake after lunch. and with tt milk shake, we cant go into any boutique, so rizaldo n i lingered outside levi's n enjoyed our milkshakes. suddenly decided to catch a movie... little man. wanna watch at golden village, so took the train down to city hall and walked to marina sq. at msq, i bought my sling bag, juz coz i could neither find my hoodie at giordano or topman... it's a sign for mi to get my bag first. gottit fr project shop. mel n aze were on their way down. so we roamed the whole of msq. juz as we completed one round of msq, mel called to say he's at gv. diaoz~ gotta walk all the wa back again. damn shack. slacked at the platinum lounge... finished all the trailers tt was shown on the samsung tv. then aze arrived. bought tix for 1710 show, grabbed a bite at food loft, to the theatre we go!
funny show lah... long time nv watch movie liao... long time nv watch comedy liao... it was better than wat i expected it to be. quite heart warming too. 3.5 out of 5 i'd give.
ok... tt's all folks... tml got interview at roxy bar... jj helped mi find one... hope can get the job despite my lack in experience. free more birds again dudez... more birds, more luck! ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah...~~~
see wat see? i not terrorist ok... juz a little redfox with a drunk heart.
-redfox & drunkard lived again-
20060917
21:20
how can i forgot...??? oh my god... need aze to remind mi... sorry dude.
blading again at ecp! this time came xiao mei n eric chong kian wee... hahaha. mel the vin had his skillz leveled up... falling onli 4 times!!! larry the lau tried back skating... but to no avail... even after my poor teaching. at least mel not the slowest this time... eric took his place... hahaha. aze had a gd time towing xiao mei... think he burnt the most calories... muahahaha!
then along came jacky, marie and joies. despite being his first time skating, jacky skated quite well... surprising indeed. mel gotta leave at 5pm... so left me, the lau, aze and eric after 5. quite tired... so sat down n chatted. brought back memories of our cadet times... thinking back, i wondered how we got through those shit. nice one hoteliers!
went to join the wushu kids for bbq at ard 7pm... surprised tt chang xing was down... hahaha... long time nv c him liao... elvin too. too bad i was "booked" for tt birthday celebration long time ago, so left for dbl o at ard 9pm.
-redfox & drunkard lived again-
rebecca celebrated her b'day at dbl o last nite... again, sat nite at dbl o, i juz cant resist. in addition, zhe rui came along too... and there was adel the retro freak, larry the lau, and zhan ge ge (my biang back buddy). this time didn't spend my time on the platform dancing. instead danced by the table where rebecca n frenz were. so afraid tt any of the gerz will get concussed... and wat i'm more afraid is me myself getting knocked out. muahahahha! everyone were so high... didn't even notice the time. and it's one of those rare times tt i did not leave dbl o for bar. wat ever was spinned isn't impt anymore, we can dance to any music then... so high. nearly puked when i ate a piece of the birthday cake. lucky nv puke... or else lose face... muahahahaha!
me & birthday ger, rebecca.
reach home and knocked out...
woke up for sentosa!!! beach volleyball!!! played a game wif some drunk americans... so farnie... they juz kept talking n talking... but considering tt they'rer drunk, they played pretty well. nice game dudez...
alright... now it's time for me to rest. am having my basic theory test tml morning... haven really studied. release more birds for me ok...? more birds, more luck... ah ah ah ah ah ah ahhhh~
-redfox & drunkard lived again-
20060915
12:24
damn shack after my 2nd mission...
met up wif zhe rui at 1830 then follow him go buy top fr topman. then go far east walk walk... nothing to do go see tattoo design. met yane, marie and joie at 9pm at somerset mrt. then went down to boat quay for a while. jj supposed to meet steven there, n i'm supposed to meet jj oso... so went down to meet steven straight since jj is late. we were treated drinks... so haven step into mos already high... haha... those who noe me should noe. took a walk down to mos when jj arrived. saw lots of ex-recruits... now privates lah. a number fr my platoon. then came robin, wei cheng, sophian, azri... great company.
jj and the gerz left left early... so it's a gryphon gathering again! this time wif ex-trainees... cool. it's really plain dancing. hip hop all nite... woah!!! in addition there're mini battles... so got show to watch... and there's a guy frenching a tranny on the podium... damn gross... but entertainment to the max!!! think i'm falling in love wif smoove on thurs nites... muacks!!!
mi, jj, & the gerz...
me & sophian, with zhe rui lurking in the back...
zhe rui grinding sophian?
muahahahaha... it's still raining... no need go ubin liao... damn shack lah... got a bad stomach fr my cuppa chilli crab cup noodle too... growling now... smelly farts...
drunkard's gonna win redfox all out my frenz......
-redfox & drunkard lived again-
20060914
12:55
intensive clubbing for the week, i foresee.
went zouk last nite. mambo!!! and for the 1st time after zouk got it's renovation, i stepped into phuture. met kenneth, bryanz, y (ya... y's a person) and eric chong kian wee (hahaha).dun really like phuture. fucking pack, like smoove. literally been pushed ard. the main room is much more fun, mambo!!! didn't drink too much. juz enuff for me to move to da groove. was having fun dancing in front of the ladies podium, then keep on kena kicks and punches fr those ladies dancing up there. and oso kena drips of water fr the leaking pipe above me. but dun care, juz dance. then 1 fat ger went up to aze. thot he kena hooked up by her... hahaha... impossible lah. after we left the place then he told me tt the ger asked him if he's gay. hmmm... can tell one meh??? he nv pierce right ear, he dun act gayishly, how to tell sia...??? aze says he danced too well... maybe lor... -_-
had supper at a prata shop along river valley road... i had nasi pattaya, he had mee goreng. took cab home alone... burnt my wallet for that trip home... shito!
ok... i noe u peeps prefer photos... here they are...
presenting: aze...
... bryanz & y...
... kenneth (extreme right) and friends
-redfox & drunkard lived again-
20060912
12:44
argh... in agony now... sprained my back during last nite's training. after many many cartwheels, attempted to do "xuan zi"... then tt's it... sprained. wtf~
went shopping before training yesterday. was wif weibin. bought 1 set of running attire fr adidas, jay chou's latest album, l'oreal party proof gel, aaa size batteries, aquamarine ear stud (again)... dunno how much i spent altogether... dun bother to count liao.
sent peh peh to ns this morning... it's at brtc... scdf one... camp not bad lah...
nothing much to write... pain pain pain... argh... how i wish someone can massage my back wif deep heat for me now. ouch~
redfox suffering in silence... in pain...
-redfox & drunkard lived again-
20060911
11:37
met up wif the commex part timers at ps at ard 7 plus... while the rest r still having dinner, i accompanied larry the lau to get his ear pierced. he was hesitating. we linger ard 77th street and b*dazzled. finally got his first piercing at 77th street, same as where i had mine. after tt all of us made our way to next page pub. bernard, our boss, ordered quite a lot of drinks... beer, chivas, wine... i was not prepared to get drunk. we played some drinking games, i ended up drinking quite alot. aze n jj helped mi drank some of them. when we decide to move over to dbl o, bernard wants us to finish all the beer. altogether 5 jugs left, before tt we already finished ard 5 jugs... crazy! everyone got a glass each n bottoms up... and retro here we come!!!
straight to the platform. met weizhan, black n yingfu. got to noe this ger whom i danced wif. gwen. unique name huh...
as usual, went down to bar after retro's over. together wif black n yingfu. met weizhan too... and along wif gwen. gwen!? wtf!!?? so she's actually zhan's god sis... wat a small world.
ended the fun at 3am, finale at bat kut teh. shared cab home wif black n ying fu. slept at 4 plus, woke up at 6 plus to puke... fuck... wat a retarded system i haf. feel real bad.
woke up at 11am seeing water droplets falling through my window. vision became blurred by the rain. in my heart i'm swearing again. supposed to go sentosa. so had my lunch at home first. luckily the rain dun last long. head out at ard 12nn. went to get my ear stud first, lost the lizard the nite before when coming out of next page. cant find the lizard anymore, so got one wif 2 dolphins... looks like pisces, i like. then tried putting it on the spot. so embarrasing, cant get it in, and my palms r sweating like tap running, so kan cheong. then the sales ger offered to gimme a hand... so paiseh... aiyo... she quite pretty oso lah... muahaha. quickly disappear after thanking her. made my way to sentosa, applied for the islander card, finally. joined the wushu kakis at siloso beach. played volleyball... then it rained again... dun care... play in shelter, despite being warned by their staff not to. but not a gd idea oso, we cant really control our ball, ball kept rolling to other visitors. hmmm.... got out into the rain when it got smaller. beach fun ended at ard 6pm.
had dinner at niggy's cheese prata near nus. shiok shiok. i had banana cheese and egg onion... power power. hmmm... got han song to drive mi home coz he spilled soya bean milk on be, not on purpose though. got 3 juniors who stay in yishun to tag along oso.
reach home, and it's not the end yet. helped jj to slot flyers ard my estate. quite shack ok... run down 12 storeys. jj damian n mi covered 6 blks... and we went for supper... hahaha.
alright... wat a weekend... damn long entry. for those who bothered to read, and some more wif these small fonts... kudos to u frenz!!!
redfox n drunkard draw at 1 - 1 thise weekend...
-redfox & drunkard lived again-
20060909
15:38
long morning skate at pasir ris park.
started at ard 10am, ended at ard 1pm. completed the whole stretch of pasir ris park on skates. first time skating there. new environment. went into the nature walk too. but the road surface ain't so condusive for skating. bumpy. lots of vibrations along the way. there were aze, mel and the lau. lau got a big bruise on his calf area... eewww! bleed... mel got better at skating and finally can brake at will. tried jumping and going on 2 wheels wif aze... new tricks huh... think i shouldn't haf gotten those beginner skates... but on the other hand i cant afford those freestyle skates too... nvm then. enjoy the pics...
stoopid commentary of our skate session... and the big bruise... then loose balance... woah!!!
kelong, coconut tree, sea, horizon, sky... ...
mel & aze... ...
larry the lau... using bluetooth earpiece wif hand... ...
my attempt to jump... looks nice but had a great fall after this shot... muahahaha!
gathering phase 2 tonight @ next page... and of course dbl o!
-redfox & drunkard lived again-
20060908
22:25
returned to pulau tekong on wed nite for thurs's 24km route march. it's realli self torturing. carrying the load and walk 24km is no joke... i feel my shoulders giving way along the march. but still managed to complete the gruesome journey with my recruits. really shack... really shack... really shack... last time still haf some motivation as a trainee, now as a commander, juz gotta do it coz of that ego... haha... and oso some thing else is lacking to push mi on.
rested at 0200 plus after the march, woke up and dragged my duffle bag out of tekong... bye bye sunny sunny island!!! went to get skates wif mel n larry. scouted ard at suntec carrefour... but found them sucky n not reliable... went down to east coast upon larry's sis's recommendation. mi n mel got the same design, comfy and cheap, but dun look tt cool lah. larry got a cooler one at 50 bucks more. we decided to skate on the spot, so rizal, who came along, gotta rent the skates. we got aze to join us at ard 4. long time nv skate n really had much fun. attempted to execute the slalom moves, both forward n backwards... but not really good at it... dun tink can even weave through those cones... hahaha.
mel sent mi home after dropping aze, larry n rizal. it's raining damn heavy. finally got my duffle bag home. tml gonna skate again... hahahaha... addiction!
long time since ifrequent dbl o... tml got e chance. our boss fr the commex fair treat us to next page for drinks, it's juz opp dbl o, how can the retro addicts resist a retro nit at dbl o???
redfox's been on the top, tml drunkard will triumph!
-redfox & drunkard lived again-
got this e-mail fr jul... aka my son... read it before long time ago, but found it really sweet... read it dudez... ;)
When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.
Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life.
It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.
Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.
I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.
However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.
Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.
Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!
That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.
Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.
She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.
I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.
I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.
Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.
I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy.
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious.
She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.
When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.
-redfox & drunkard lived again-
20060905
22:38
got this mixed feeling when i see her wif another guy... angry, sad, happy.... haiz... should not be thinking so much... juz cant keep this to myself... juz let those who care noe ba...
may they live happily ever after......
-redfox & drunkard lived again-
thot today will be a day for mi to rest at home. doing nothing and slack in my room watchin tv or surfing the net. but i was wrong... faizal called the previous night and asked me to go sentosa. my answer is of course yes! haha... how can i miss the chance to get in contact wif the sun, sand and sea? with my body still aching frome last nite's wushu session at sp, i dragged myself to harbour front and met up wif the gryphon kakis. rashid, mel, rizal, farouq & fren, zul... faizal was looking for a parking space... and found one ard 50 min later.
went to palawan beach this time, not where i always frequent. while they played soccer, me n mel were building sand castle... i'm not a soccer fanatic. a day at the beach without volleyball is damn awkward. after their game, we shifted to a more crowded area of the beach. borrowed a ball from another group who're not playing wif it. 5 of us started playing volleyball. tt seems more like it. the fun ended wif 3 of us playing. rashid, rizal and me. quite enjoyable even we're not playing proper game in a court. we got tired, returned the ball, and slacked ard.
felt some rain drops... time to evacuate! but nv really rained. left for dinner at harbour front mac. chilled, talk cock. really sat there for quite long. till we reallized it's quite cold then left the place. next destination: home. all went seperate ways... we'll meet on 7th september again... 24km route march... argh!!!!!
-redfox & drunkard lived again-
20060904
12:02
it was really an experience selling laptop at commex 2006. i knew nuts about computers. it seems like a 4-day crash course on computer parts and capabilities... plus laptops. really updated myself on the technology a lot. besides learning all the technical stuff, i got to know tt it is possible to bargain off the prices on the brochure from every vendor! i was so naive and thought that wat's on the brochure was the best deal... my balls. next time i need some gadget, i'll squeeze my way through to the lowest price and most freebies i can get... muahahahaha! it's a wonder to see how singaporeans queue up before the exhibition is opened to public and how they literally run into the exhibition hall upon the opening of the doors! i really dun expect such things to actually happened... stunned.
it's a sales thingy. it's a war. every vendor is competing for lowest bargains to attract customers. so after talking a lot to one customer, the chances of them buying from another booth is very high. so more selling up doesn't mean more sales. i met my best and worst customer on the last night. 2 men, neither chinese nor malay, wanted the cheapest laptop, which is of course the lowest end, along with many many free gifts. they were juz trying their luck. i was really pissed off with them, if it's not for their money, i'd haf not even sell them the laptop. i told them to get from some where else if they want a lower price. they still wun go and tried to bargain... balls to them! and of course the best one was my last sales. an auntie who came back after bargaining wif me in the afternoon. it's really satisfying to see a customer coming back to you after saying that they'll returned. it juz feels good closing the sales with them.
last thing i found out. i juz haf no courege to approach gers when i'm not drunk. there were this 2 sales gers selling casio exilim camera juz opposite our booth. thought i can approach either one of them on the last day... but i juz go no courage lah... haha. but on the 3rd nite, one of them ask aze to take a photo wif them... hahaha. the rest of us juz looked stunned... nvm the time will come for me to noe more gers... wait wait wait...
it's a great time working wif frenz, knowing new frenz, and meeting old frenz... another roadshow next mth? muahahahaha!
-redfox & drunkard lived again-
just me
dreamer.dancer.runner.fighter.designer
in my life -
wushu.run.swim
dance.clubbing
design.fashion
all beautiful beings
andy lau.mayday
eminem.bruce lee
drums.hip-hop.parkour
onitsuka tiger.photoshop
vespa.R1.hayabusa
out of my way -
unnecessary theories
complicated systems
working for money
under construction-
class 2b license
2008 standard chartered singapore marathon
spl_urges-
vespa scooter
new digital camera
martell cordon bleu
